By Joey Mills (mid-twenties wrestling enthusiast, comedian and self labelled snot monster).
Having allergies isn’t easy. You know this already, as I’m assuming by reading an allergy blog you are a sufferer yourself. If not, it’s a really strange hobby. I know everyone has pastimes, but reading about other people’s mucus? And to think our parents only had stamp-collecting and hula hoops. Anyway, if you are a sufferer you will know that there are some annoying limitations you have to put on yourself to avoid becoming a snotty, runny-eyed, blotchy mess. But while you have to miss out on a lot, living under the rule of the sultan of sneezing, are all these things really such losses?
Today we flip some of the cons of allergies into pros. Read on for some things you’re missing out on, and why you aren’t missing that much at all.
Flowers
I’m looking at you hayfever sufferers. As a sufferer myself it is definitely a bummer to get eyes full of stingy fluid when trying to gaze upon some of nature’s most beautiful creations. As a man it is doubly tough as well. If you’re trying to woo a girl (what? I’m old fashioned) do you go with flowers? If she has hayfever you’ve just set your date up for a night of awkward discomfort. Which in my case would have no doubt occurred without the unwelcome intrusion of allergies anyway, but the point stands.
But is this such a bad thing? If you make your allergies known, your potential suitor (look I’ve been reading Dickens, let it go) will have to look for more creative ways to impress you. A mixtape perhaps? A box of chocolates? A puppet show chronicling how you met, from the awkward hello exchanged at a work team-building exercise to that time you had a clumsy fumble in Jan’s office at the Christmas party. Actually, maybe not that last part.
Animals
If pet allergies are your affliction this can be a tricky one to navigate. For instance you go to visit a friend, their pet Labrador comes bounding up to you with love in its eyes and a song in its heart. What do you do? You can’t recoil in horror because nobody hates Labradors, they’re adorable and you’ll never live it down! So you crouch down and stroke him, tell him he’s a good boy despite the fact he has completed no tasks worthy of such merit since your arrival, and condemn yourself to a constantly running nose for the rest of the evening.
But if you’ve ever been to a house party then you will know one inalienable truth. There is always the one person the family pet takes to out of the visiting group, and that person is then condemned to essentially babysit the love struck animal for the rest of the evening’s festivities. You will know if it’s you because the owner will say “oh he likes you!” when said animal approaches. You might love dogs and cats, but nobody wants to be sat petting one while everyone else plays strip backgammon or whatever happens at house parties since I stopped being a student. A well-timed “I’m sorry I’m allergic” will save you from an evening playing fetch with the cause of your ailments.
Cleaning
Now this one is really a no-brainer. Obviously your house will need to be maintained at a decent level to avoid constant symptoms, but when it comes time for that annual, nook and cranny deep clean, your dust allergy is your most potent weapon. You might not avoid the whole debacle altogether, but all the truly filthy tasks will be taken by others who just don’t know what you’re going through with your dust allergy. You might end up with the washing up or something. Which in the grand scheme of things is just wiping stuff and letting it air dry while your flatmate has to dust behind that sofa nobody’s touched since New Year’s Eve 2014. Result!
So your limitations aren’t as bad as you think, if you know how to harness them to your advantage. If you are one of those people who really loves flowers, dogs or unwashed carpets you can still use the great range of HayMax allergen barrier balms.